Wingmen, not wingman, you need 2 other guys to make a squadron. Just one guys and it looks like you only have one friend. Plus most girls go out with at least 2-3 other girls. Simple Math, on the the story.
It's friday night a couple of weeks ago. Jay, Charlie, and I are at work downtown, everyone gets off and we do our rounds. Free drinks at Mosiac, shots at Flamingo, but where to next? Charlie suggest Lucas Park, but I'm not really dress for that place. It's not like you have to dress up, but if I knew I was going there I would. Jay and I say fuck it and and follow Charlie down the street.
Now I'm going to get kind of technical, you know some squadron jargon.
Enter battle zone = eye up the compition, the other dudes at the bar. Every guy in the place looks like a late 20s ex frat boy who landed a 6 figure job right out of college. To be honest it looked bad for me, I had on levis', a t-shirt I got from Target, my A's hat, and my pumas (well pumas are pimp shit anyway). Jay and Charlie look nice and fit in, but I'm the only guy with a hat on and no collar.
Patrol the perimeter = do the rounds, take a trip around the bar. As soon as I walk in straight to the bar for drinks. This place is packed wall to wall. I look to my left, eye contact made with hot asain girl. Tap on my shoulder, it's Jay pointing out a hot brunette at a table. There are a lot of girls there. Things are looking good for some quick kills. All three of us walk to the other side of the bar, and set up shop.
Home Base = your spot to snipe the enemy. When it comes to home base do not sit down at the bar, table, ect. It puts you to far out of the radar, but don't make it look like your in the way. Be out there but not clogging things up. So boom we finish the first round, Charlie's turn to buy, so he goes to the bar. So I light up a smoke and notice a cute blonde girl trying to get by these 2 Shrek looking mother fuckers, and she getting pissed. <-Remember what I said about being in the way.
Dog Fight = make your move, I hate calling it that but have nothing else to call it. In a dog fight you have mer seconds to show your worthyness, luckily I shoot well from the hip. So I step over and move Shrek #1 while Shrek#2 eye fucks the guy in front of him. I make way for Blondie, And tell her, "Next time think skinny". This girl was like 5'10" and maybe 115lbs, so in no way was making fun of her. It was the first thing I could think of, this guy I work with always says it. Guess what she smiled. I motioned her towards me with my hand, never point it's rude, she comes over.
Radar locked in = duh, think about it. This is how the convo went...
Her- Thanks for that, this place is always packed on fridays.
/\stopping point. Notice the topic of conversation I have now.
Me- I've never been here (<lie)
Her- really, I come here all the time (<like I care)
Breaking formation = When your a wingman, you have to know when your fellow wingmen have things under control, and leave. Don't stick around and make the girl feel weird. She came to talk to me not you! So Charlie is still trying to get drinks, and Jay sees thing are under control and breaks off. I continue to act like I care what she's talking about, until she inivites me over to her table with her "friends".
/\Stopping point. Girls have 2 types of guy friends, ones they fuck/fucked or are going to fuck.
So I tell her, "Look I have 2 of my friends here, and I'm not going to your table if there are a bunch of guys". <-pimp, I know. She says, "It's just me and my 2 friends" and grabs my hand.
Regroup squadron = always keep a close eye on you fellow wingmen, I might need your help or in this case you got mine. So Jay and Charlie follow me over to the table, and guess who is there. Hot asain and hot brunette that I mentioned earlier. Some shots, yada yada yada, the ugly lights come on, time to go.
She ask me where I'm heading, and I say, "with you". She wants me to ride with her, I'm not going to argue at this point, but I'm taking her friends spot in the car.
Taking one for the team = you know what this is. It doesn't alway mean hooking up with the ugly/fat chick to help you wingman. So Jay offers her a ride home, being the wingman he is he drives her all the way to Ballwin from downtown, then back to U-City so he can go to sleep.
As for what happened at her place.....
I don't kiss and tell, atleast on the internetz.
This is dedicated to you my friend...
