And then the fight started...:)

[Dabeastwthn]

When I got home one Friday night a few months ago, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....

So, I took her to a gas station.....


And then the fight started.... :PDT_hit:


****


My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."


And then the fight started.... :PDT_hit:


****


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my
age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the
woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back
later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair.

She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me". And she
processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
Disability, too".


And then the fight started..... :PDT_hit:


****


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?"


And then the fight started ... :PDT_hit:


****


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since."


"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?"


And then the fight started..... :PDT_hit:


****


I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?

Yeah, well couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then... which one of them are you?"


And then the fight started..... :PDT_hit:


****


I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."


And then the fight started..... :PDT_hit:


****


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."


And then the fight started..... :PDT_hit:

[twkdcd595]

HAHAHA!

:bouncy:

[granturismonut]

Watching tv the other night, the wife walks in and asks, What's on the TV?

Husband answers Dust.

and the fight started...

[Gunmetal Si]

i laughed this time

[Dabeastwthn]

i laughed this time

FINALLY!!! :bouncy:

[Silver Knight]

hahahaha those were pretty funny!

[Turbo]

LMAO...had me rollin!11